A How-To Guide For Life?

We can find how-to guides for changing a flat tire, cooking a rich dessert, or folding shirts like a high-end clothing store. But what about a how-to guide for life in general?

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When I first became a parent, I longed for a manual to help me ‘get it right.’ A thick reference book with a detailed table of contents to address any and every question that came up, might come up, or could someday come up in the course of my lifetime. That’s not too much to ask, is it??

Many of us have similarly wished for a life manual, too. How do I decide whether to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to this opportunity? Turn to page 118 for the correct answer. How do I successfully run a business and raise a family? Look to the step-by-step program in the ‘Perfect, Easy Balance’ section. How do I know if this butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling is excitement that I made the right choice or a sign that I’m about to muck it all up? See section 2, paragraph 8, and your problem will be solved.

Oh, how dreamy. I bet such a manual would hit bestseller status before preorders even opened.

While this all-encompassing reference guide to life may not currently sit on my bookshelves, I did notice recently how many ‘how to’ books do. And not necessarily ‘how to change a lightbulb’ types of books, but rather how to tackle some of life’s tricky offerings like navigating hefty changes or making important decisions.

In my many years of coaching, as well as even more years of living on this planet, I’ve learned that we can’t expect others - not even excellent books - to tell us what’s best for us. Like I tell my clients all the time, you are the expert on you. But we can learn new strategies, different ways of thinking, and possibilities we hadn’t previously considered from others and from excellent books. Today I want to shine a spotlight on six such ‘how to’ books I’ve enjoyed in recent years, in case one of them sounds like it might support you, too.

How To Change by Katy Milkman

Whether you seek to make a change in your life, are navigating a change that was made for you, or wonder why you just can’t seem to make the changes that you say you want, give this book a try. Milkman - a behavioral scientist, professor, and podcast host - addresses some of the most common obstacles to change and the often simple solutions for addressing them. I’m a huge fan of fresh starts, but I’ve discovered sometimes that approach works for me and sometimes it doesn’t; right away in the first chapter Milkman discusses the fresh start effect, the downside of fresh starts, and when, specifically, fresh starts tend to work best. I love it when I feel like I’ve received the value of a book even in its very first chapter! This one is excellent on audiobook, too.

How To Winter by Kari Leibowitz

I just read How To Winter last month, right before some -20 degree (Fahrenheit) feels-like temps arrived here in the midwest U.S. Perfect timing! I loved learning about the various ways people who live in much colder, darker, longer winters choose to embrace them - from being intentional with cozy indoor activities, gaining health benefits from brisk outdoor ones, and deciding, with intention, not to simply wish those months away but rather discern what will help them thrive through them. While the book focuses mostly on the actual season of winter, many of the tactics can be transferred to challenging seasons in life, too, as its subtitle - “Harness Your Mindset to Thrive on Cold, Dark, or Difficult Days” - suggests.

How To Walk Into A Room by Emily Freeman

I initially started this book thinking it focused on the topic of confidence, however upon reading the first few chapters, the title quickly made complete sense: the ‘rooms’ Freeman refers to are the metaphorical rooms that we enter and leave throughout our lives. The book offers helpful insights for deciding when to stay - in a job, relationship, or situation, for instance - and when to walk away. I read this entire book in less than 48 hours and found it so incredibly helpful, gentle, and calming. Freeman, a spiritual director and host of the popular The Next Right Thing podcast, brings a warmth and practicality that easily placed this on my top ten books of 2024 list!

How To Know A Person by David Brooks

Another from my top ten list last year! I read this way back in January of 2024 and still think about it regularly. Brooks focuses a great deal of the book on asking thoughtful questions, the power of empathy, the challenges - but incredible benefits - with opening ourselves up to others and being vulnerable, and so much more under the umbrella of connecting. What struck such a deep chord for me while reading, and what can still prompt tears for me today, are the examples he offers where a seemingly small, unplanned, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment could actually make a powerful, purposeful, lifelong difference for someone else. Just sitting with someone, listening deeply, and being a companion - not even the fixer - can be a moment someone remembers with gratitude fifty years later. Ahhh! Love it.

How To Decide by Annie Duke

I went on a journey with Annie Duke in 2023 and I couldn’t be happier about it! It began with her book Quit (which now resides on my favorites-of-all-time list) and led me to her other works, including How To Decide. If you struggle with indecision, second-guessing your choices, overthinking, experiencing a form of buyers’ remorse every time you finally make a decision…consider getting your hands on this book. Duke comes from a unique background as a former professional poker player, decision strategy expert, and recent recipient of her PhD in cognitive psychology. I do recommend the physical version of this book if you are able, as there are a number of charts, lists, and fill-in-the-blank exercises that are helpful to see visually if possible.

How To Carry What Can’t Be Fixed by Megan Devine

A last-minute addition that I just recently discovered and read in a day. (I opted for this over watching most of the Super Bowl, if you were wondering!) The illustrations throughout the book are just gorgeous and support the equally-gorgeous text so beautifully. This book operates as a journal/workbook and highlights a number of compassionate activities that Devine, a psychotherapist and author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK, gently encourages trying (or not, you get to decide) for moving forward with grief. I particularly appreciated the different lists she suggests making, as well as ideas for what to say when others ask how they can help (or when they make unhelpful comments). I am thankful to have the various tools and resources that I can refer back to; I also plan to share components of this book at our February Reading And Purpose Nonfiction Book Club meetings, as it offers a number of beautiful self-care practices, too.

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All those years ago when I first became a parent, I didn’t have a how-to guide - but I did have a wonderful, patient Mom who received my question-filled phone calls with such grace. I wanted so much to get it ‘right.’ She told me something very early on that has stuck with me, and that I’ve applied to all other life areas as well - including business:

“Christi, whatever you do, if you do it in love, it will be the right thing.” - Mom

I’m so thankful for the books I’ve showcased here (and many others), that help me grow and learn and explore new ideas. And I am thankful for those wise words from my dear Mom, and how they helped guide me in clarifying my purpose, too, because that - to quote Robert Frost - has made all the difference.

Have you read any of these books? What other ‘how to’ books have you found beneficial? You’re welcome to share your thoughts in the comments below!

Questions? Comments? Books or topics you’d like me to discuss here? Feel free to email me at readingandpurpose (at) gmail (dot) com or comment on this post directly in the app/website. I love hearing from you and I appreciate your support!