Are You Too Much - or Not Enough?
Or maybe, like Goldilocks, you're just right - and simply need to shift whose voice is loudest for you. Here are a few ideas and book suggestions that may help.
After wrapping up some coaching work recently, I was journaling about this strange dichotomy so many of us experience:
We’re often told we’re too much - too loud and too bold, or too quiet and too reserved, or too _______ (fill in the blank with whatever version you’ve heard).
Yet we’re also told we’re not enough - not successful enough, not experienced enough, not talented or connected or well-spoken enough.
With so many different voices coming at us with so many different messages, what’s a person to do?
I posed a mini-version of this question a while back; today I thought I’d expand with a few practical, purposeful ways to begin answering it.
Here are three ideas to get us started:
1. Make a habit of checking in with yourself first.
A bookish example from my own life: Upon finishing a book, I intentionally like to write my own thoughts about it - usually in my reading journal or study book - before I read anyone else’s reviews. I want to make sure I’m forming my own opinions and thinking for myself before I take in others’ opinions.
On a more frequent basis, we can put this idea into action by deciding our priorities, as well as our mindset and how we would like to be in the world each day, before checking email or social media. Yes, those priorities may shift a bit depending on the messages awaiting us, but at least we’ve taken a moment to decide what matters most to us first rather than starting the day in reactive mode.
2. Turn the supposed ‘weakness’ into strength.
It’s so easy to think of those ‘too ____’ statements as weaknesses to be corrected - but what if we embraced and celebrated those qualities instead? Someone called ‘too quiet’ might actually be an active listener and critical thinker, serve as a calming presence, or have the ability to connect deeply one-on-one. Someone ‘too loud’ might actually be able to bring many people together to create a shared vision or offer a voice to those who would otherwise go unheard.
What we consider weaknesses may prove strengthening when viewed differently. Two books that provide terrific examples in this regard are The Perfectionist’s Guide To Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler and A Different Kind Of Power by Jacinda Ardern.
3. Lean into your core values.
I write and coach on this topic often, but I cannot reiterate it enough: Taking the time to clarify, define, and then trust in your core values is time well spent. Your values are like a lighthouse for your actions and decisions - always there, always shining, always available to authentically guide you.
For further insight in this area, feel free to visit some of my previous articles such as the ones here and here.
I’ll again pose the question asked above:
With so many different voices coming at us with so many different messages, what’s a person to do?
One possibility:
Turn them down, and turn up your own inner voice instead.
Honor your purpose. Pay attention to your strengths, your priorities, what matters most to you. Try enacting some of the ideas shared here and see what you discover.
Be selective in the external voices you choose to listen to. You’ve got what you need inside of you; maybe it’s time to let your own voice be the loudest one you hear?
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Dr. Christi Hegstad is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and self-proclaimed booknerd, here to help you work with meaning, live with purpose, and reach bold + difference-making goals. Peruse coaching opportunities here, email questions to ReadingAndPurpose (at) gmail (dot) com, and check out the above books and more at the Reading And Purpose bookshop.org store (your book purchases through the links provided may earn me a small commission, at no extra cost to you).
Thank you for being here!