Discovering Your Personal Lighthouse
Whether stormy or calm, you've got tools within you to light the way.
Every few months, in a burst of ‘surely this time I will follow through’ optimism, I create an editorial calendar, assigning myself certain topics for the various articles I’m due to write.
And not once, in all my years of posting over 1,100 blogs, do I recall ever actually following my editorial calendar for more than a week or two. I do post consistently, just rarely on the topic I had planned. Life happens, and I’ve learned that not only am I a mood reader (I could never abide a strict monthly TBR either!), I am also a mood writer.
And lately, my mood has been a bit all over the place.
But, whatever my mood, there is something I consistently return to - a constant that serves as my own personal lighthouse. It acts as a beacon, a steady presence, and a guide whether my world feels clear and sunny or thunderous and stormy.
You’ve got this lighthouse, too.
It’s your core values.
What Matters Most?
Core values can generally be thought of as the beliefs, qualities, or principles you consider most important, and from which you operate. In many ways, your core values serve as your moral compass, influencing every decision you make and every action you take.
The words ‘most important’ in the definition are key. I have a values clarification worksheet that I share with coaching clients which lists around 200 values (and it is by no means an exhaustive list). Through the exercise outlined on the worksheet, clients eventually identify their 3-5 core values, the ones that matter most.
At first glance, this seems an impossible task. Choose five? All 200 seem important!
And all values are important - just not equally important, and not equally important to everyone.
It’s like that old adage: If everything is important, then nothing is important. If your to-do list has 200 tasks, you can’t do them all at once - you need to discern, prioritize, and act accordingly.
Likewise, we need to discern what matters most in our lives as well.
“Be The Lighthouse”
I often describe values like a lighthouse:
A lighthouse stands, strong and true, regardless of what’s going on outside. Storms may brew, waves may crash, the fog may become so dense we can hardly see … but the lighthouse stands on, fulfilling its purpose.
Same with our values.
And our values are actually a significant part of our purpose, too. “Purpose in life is concerned with what we most deeply value,” writes Victor Strecher in Life On Purpose, “and purposeful living is concerned with whether we’re living for what matters most.”
Even so, at times we may find ourselves in a place of uncertainty, confusion, or where things feel chaotic and out of control. But somewhere underneath it all, that beacon of light - our set of core values - still shines, ready to guide us back to ourselves.
Regardless of what is going on around us, our core values tend to remain constant over time, are a vital component of our purpose, and can serve as a guide for our next right steps.
Values In Everyday Life
How do our values show up in action in our everyday lives? I’ll share a personal example to demonstrate.
One of my core values is respect. And respect, how I define it, can appear in ways large and small:
Someone holding the door open for a stranger.
A meeting participant being able to share their idea without interruption.
Two people with opposing beliefs having an open, thoughtful discussion.
When I experience - or even simply witness - respect in action, I feel it fully, in my entire being. To me, this feels like fulfillment, alignment, an ‘all is well’ kind of sensation. This may sound dramatic, but at times I am even moved to tears simply by seeing or experiencing my values fully being honored. They are that powerful!
On the flip side, when I see or experience disrespect, I feel it viscerally: My jaw clenches, my gut tightens, my open palms become closed without me even realizing it.
Before I knew my core values, I would experience those same feelings - I just couldn’t quite name or explain them. Since discerning what matters most to me, however, I can usually quickly identify what’s prompting the feeling, whether positive or negative, then act in honor of my values.
Whether Sunshine Or Storms, Lean Into Your Core Values
As you reflect on, or begin to discern, your core values, I encourage you to also define them for yourself. What does that value mean to you? What does it look like when you honor it? How do you feel when you see or experience it in action?
When life feels fairly smooth, check in with your core values and see how they’re showing up in your actions, behaviors, and decisions. This can become an enlightening part of your weekly review, for example: ‘How did I live out my value of respect this week?’
And in times of challenge or uncertainty, ask yourself how your core values can support you, and lean in to what you discover. I mentioned earlier in this article that my mood has felt all over the place lately; while my immediate emotions may want to react one way, I’ve learned that I am best served when I pause, check my internal lighthouse (aka, my values), and respond with intention.
If I act against my values, no one benefits - including me.
Show Up For Yourself
Years ago, I heard someone say the phrase, ‘Don’t abandon yourself.’ It resonated so deeply within me, and every time I think of it, I am instantly brought back to my core values.
If I gave up on respect, or on the other values I hold dear, I would feel like I’m abandoning myself. Instead of being the lighthouse, I’d feel more like I’m in a rickety little paddleboat on a huge body of water amidst a raging storm, tossing my oars out into the abyss and curling up in a corner and hoping for the best.
But that’s not how I want to live my life.
I want to show up fully. I want to live with intention, make a positive difference, try to find solutions in the challenging times and joy in the good times and meaning + purpose in all the times.
Honoring my values helps me do this. It can help you do this, too.
Shining The Light Forward
Respect. Honesty. Faith. Humor. Integrity. Creativity. Fairness. Optimism. Autonomy. The list of values extends for miles. Are you clear on your top five or so?
Here are a few questions you can begin asking yourself:
When do you feel fulfilled, in harmony, or your absolute best self?
What do you consider your non-negotiables? (Think, for example, in terms of relationships, activities, what you will say an immediate ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to, and so on.)
What do you appreciate most about yourself?
When you think of people you admire greatly, what do you appreciate most about them?
What will you not allow or tolerate in your life? (The opposite might be a value; for instance, if dishonesty is a deal-breaker for you, that may point to honesty, trust, or transparency as a value.)
What matters most to you?
I realize these are big questions, but you can start broad like this and then continue to narrow your focus as you gain more and more clarity. The more you play with these types of questions and reflect on others, the more you’ll likely begin to notice patterns. All of this information can provide clues into your values and purpose.
While I believe values discussions are important at any time, I’d say especially so in the present moment. Our values can guide our forward movement - toward a new year and fresh goals, amidst change and uncertainty, and in the direction of the vision we wish to create - with a solidness and stability that we can rely on repeatedly.
I encourage you to reflect on your values and purpose, discover your inner lighthouse, and let this serve as a guiding light in life, at work, online, out in the community, and beyond. It’s already within you - and along with it, a level of strength and clarity you may not yet have realized is within you, too.
Questions? Comments? Books or topics you’d like me to discuss here? Feel free to email me at readingandpurpose (at) gmail.com or comment on this post directly in the app/website. I love hearing from you and I appreciate your support!
I always enjoy your perspective on values. Thanks!