The Goal I Cannot Reach

And what I'm doing about it!

Each year for most of my adult life, I have set three Bold Goals for myself - goals that will typically take the bulk of the year to achieve. I have all kinds of smaller goals and projects as well, but my three Bold Goals - usually one professional, one personal, and one wherever I’m feeling it that year - are the ones that I break down into detailed action plans with milestones along the way, and that require consistent attention over the long term. They are the goals that mean the most to me at that particular time in my life, relate directly to my personal purpose, connect with my annual theme, and help me prioritize my actions throughout the year.

I don’t always reach my goals, but I tend to more often than not. And either way, I feel like I grow more and make more forward movement for having set them.

This year, however, I got stuck. On one goal in particular. I noticed it during my first few monthly check-ins of the year, and I adjusted my actions accordingly. Yet when it came time for my Mid-Year Personal Inventory, I still hadn’t made much progress on the goal at all.

Feeling quite deflated, I asked myself my usual questions, starting with:

Is the goal still important to me?

Life changes in unexpected ways, and I’m certainly not against changing - or even letting go of - goals as needed. Commitment is important, but so is honoring the realities of life. At mid-year, I could honestly answer that yes, the goal still mattered, still honored my purpose, and I still wanted to achieve it.

I went through a few more questions, all which pointed to ‘keep going.’ So what was getting in my way?

I have over 20 years of experience coaching clients to reach their bold and meaningful goals, and a lifetime of reaching them myself. I have researched the topic extensively. And yet there I was earlier this year, feeling stuck, not knowing why, and completely clueless about what to do next.

Not cool.

Soon after, I began reading a book that I had (accidentally) listened to the abridged version of a year ago and thoroughly appreciated, knowing I wanted to read the unabridged version as well.

And soon after that, it hit me. I knew why I wasn’t reaching my goal.

The book is called The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey with Rebecca R. Merrill and, although originally published almost 20 years ago, I believe the concepts and points have stood the test of time. Covey is the son of a longtime mentor-from-afar of mine, Stephen Covey (leadership expert and author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, First Things First, and more), and I appreciate his perspective and can also see shared values between him and his father. The principles and relationship between speed, cost, and trust described in The Speed of Trust are incredibly valuable, and I would definitely recommend the book to leaders wanting to build a trusting and trustworthy culture.

I initially read this from an organizational perspective for some work I was involved in. This time around, however, I noticed myself reading it from more of a personal perspective.

And I realized that, when it came down to it, I didn’t trust that I would - that I could - actually reach my goal.

I had encountered some challenges early on that had silently chipped away at my confidence, belief, and trust in myself to do this big, bold thing I had set out to do. I didn’t notice just how much those early setbacks had impacted my sense of self in this area from that point forward.

Still not cool - but at least I had now pinpointed what had previously evaded me.

Trusting The Process - And Yourself

Have you experienced this before, too? I’ve coached clients who have hesitated - if not downright dreaded or completely avoided - setting goals essentially due to this reason. If you’ve set the same goal over and over without achieving it, or if you’ve ever struggled toward goals that didn’t align with your values and purpose, you might relate. Countless other reasons for not reaching goals exist as well; some internal, and some as external and out-of-our-control as the weather.

And all can take tiny but persistent little snips at our belief, confidence, and trust in ourselves. Fortunately, once we become aware, we can begin to do things differently.

Below are 5 areas where I have made changes in my Bold Goal approach, actions, and mindset. I’m noticing a difference, and I’m sharing in case they can help you, too!

1. Fewer Commitments, Greater Commitment

In The Speed of Trust, Covey offers an example about setting his alarm early every morning to exercise. Sometimes he would follow through on his commitment, but often he’d hit snooze and skip his exercise altogether. Over time, he realized he was essentially starting his day by breaking a promise he had made to himself.

Consider if a friend made plans with you every morning, then didn’t show up day after day. You’d probably stop trusting that they would show up the next time, right? This applies to commitments we make with ourselves, too.

When I looked at my action plan for my goal, I realized that I actually had scheduled far too many daily actions for myself than I could feasibly accomplish every single day for one goal. Therefore, while I’d do some of them, I rarely if ever completely followed through. Similar to Covey, I realized that by regularly not fulfilling my commitments to my Bold Goal, I was feeling disappointed with myself, and it was impacting my sense of self-trust.

Furthermore, not all of the actions I was actually taking were leading to any results. In essence, they ended up seeming like busywork.

I took this opportunity to condense and reprioritize my actions, with a special focus on the ones actually yielding results. What a difference this made! I still take action on the goal nearly every day, but instead of having a long impossible list of tasks and only completing some, I now have just a few main actions that I complete consistently and that seem to be rewarding me for my effort.

I have made a greater commitment to fewer commitments. So far, it’s serving me well.

2. Find Your Cheerleader

Yes, we need action plans, systems, tracking, and tools to reach our goals. We need other people, too - perhaps coworkers, a supervisor, a trainer, our coach.

But what I’m reminded of in my current process of awareness is that we also benefit from a cheerleader - someone who will always lift us up, remind us of our awesomeness, and say things like ‘You’ve totally got this!’ and ‘I’m so proud of you!’

It might sound fluffy. It may feel excessive. And if you’re an achiever like me and many of my clients, it might seem, at first blush, rather unnecessary. For better or for worse, I tend to default toward the serious, and the idea of a cheerleader in my corner admittedly feels a bit self-indulgent.

I’ll tell you what, though: Now that I’ve made this a priority with this particular goal, I can feel my confidence and trust rising. Naysayers and challenges seem to find us on their own easily enough. Seeking out a cheerleader may require a bit of intentional - but ultimately worthwhile - effort.

Pom poms and megaphones aren’t required (but, of course, optional, depending on your preference!). What is required, in my opinion, is a willingness to serve as cheerleader for others, too.

3. Train To The Gain

In their fantastic book, The Gap And The Gain, Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy point out how, when it comes to our goal achievement, we often focus on how far we have yet to go (the gap) and pay little if any attention on how far we’ve come since we started (the gain). As a result, we can be left feeling an always-striving, never-quite-there sense of perpetual motion and dissatisfaction.

And since our minds naturally tend to veer in that direction, if we want things to be different we may need to actively, intentionally choose to think and act differently.

As you have likely surmised if you read last week’s article about my journal / notebook / planner system, I tend to be quite a visual/tactile person. So one way I ‘train to the gain’ is to create a visual to help my mind focus where I want it to focus.

For example, you know those large thermometers that organizations create to show the public how they are progressing on their fundraising efforts? I create something similar in my project notebook that I can fill in as I move toward my goal. It’s a helpful representation to frequently remind me how far I’ve come, plus it’s a nice opportunity for a little creative expression.

I’ve found that this can adapt to nearly any goal, too. Fundraisers use it to show dollar amounts; you could create something to show clients served, pages read, videos posted, miles biked, or whatever else you’re moving toward.

4. Give What You Most Need

“I don’t feel like I need much,” a client said a while back when describing their workplace, “but I sure would love to hear a simple ‘thank you’ every once in a while.”

The lack of appreciation is a reality for many. If you work in a fast-paced environment, or if much of your role is behind the scenes, or if you’re a solo entrepreneur wearing all the hats all the time, maybe you can relate.

On second thought, if you’re a person living in the world, you can probably relate!

This may sound a bit woo-woo or even too simplistic, but when I am feeling under-appreciated, one of the best cures I’ve found is to be intentional about thanking others. A handwritten thank-you card, a gratitude coffee date, even simply verbalizing a few sentences sharing what they did and how it helped me not only hopefully lifts the recipient’s spirits, it raises mine in the process as well.

This applies in other areas, too. If you feel your own confidence waning, for instance, look for opportunities to help build others’ confidence. Telling a coworker what you learned from their helpful presentation, sharing with a service provider how much you appreciate their expertise, admiring a unique skill a family member displays and asking for a pointer or two - all of these can boost someone else’s confidence while simultaneously having an uplifting effect on your own.

We aren’t in charge of what others say and do, but we are in charge of what we say and do. What if we use that to bring more of what we desire into the world?

5. Celebrate Already!

I recently read an excellent book, The Lightmaker’s Manifesto by Karen Walrond, that you’ll soon hear me gush about in my September reading wrap-up. Subtitled ‘How To Work For Change Without Losing Your Joy,’ this book emphasizes (among many other things) how work in activism and advocacy is so often a long game; the results we seek may take years, and even lifetimes, to come about. As such, we can’t hold off on celebrating until the end result - we need to celebrate all along the way. Walrond considers this so important she dedicated an entire chapter to the topic.

And so it is with our goals - specifically Bold Goals, which I mentioned earlier tend to take quite a long time to achieve. Celebrating wins and milestones along the way can strengthen our momentum, build our confidence, and add delight to what is sometimes very challenging work.

Personally, I know the benefits of celebrating personal wins, yet I am not always the best at doing it. But I am encouraging myself to activate this more and more with my current goal, and it really helps - plus adds a bit of fun and whimsy to the whole experience! Whether it’s writing an entry about the win in my journal, baking myself a small coconut cake, sharing the news with my cheerleader (see #2 above), or even doing a literal happy dance, I am finding ways to celebrate progress. Although it doesn’t always come easily or naturally for me, it has truly felt worthy of the extra attention.

(Side note: Please share your celebration suggestions in the comments below!)

As I type this article, it’s the first day of autumn and we have 100 days left in the year. This seems serendipitous somehow! And I am feeling a renewed sense of energy and purpose with my goal.

As such, I am no longer dwelling on this as a goal I cannot seem to reach - but rather a goal that is teaching me to grow, experiment, and adapt along with it. The five points above are helping, and I’d love to hear additional tips you have as well.

I won’t know for a while yet if I’ll reach my Bold Goal in the time frame I’ve set up, but I have renewed confidence that I can. And that, in the words of Robert Frost, has made all the difference.

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Related articles you might find helpful:

Your Mid-Year Personal Inventory

Who Are You + Why Are You Here?

2025 Goals - But Let’s Make ‘Em Meaningful!

Goals Gone Bad

Quarterly Reset In 5 Questions

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Dr. Christi Hegstad is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and self-proclaimed book nerd, here to help you work with meaning, live with purpose, and reach bold + difference-making goals! Peruse coaching opportunities at ChristiHegstad.com, email questions to ReadingAndPurpose(at)gmail(dot)com, and check out book recommendations at the Reading And Purpose bookshop.org store (your book purchases through the links provided may earn me a small commission, at no extra cost to you).

Thank you for being here!