Trouble Making Decisions? How Books, Purpose, + Guiding Principles Can Help.
Practices and resources that help me spend less time waffling in indecision and more time taking purposeful action!
I first wrote my personal purpose statement over 20 years ago. I am not being even slightly hyperbolic when I say how monumentally that experience changed my life, in every aspect. Having that statement top of mind has helped me countless times over the years since first writing it, too.
Shortly after creating my statement, I decided it would also be helpful to list some practical ideas and actions to help ensure I lived out my purpose on a daily basis. I call these my guiding principles.
My purpose statement has remained virtually the same in the decades since writing it. My guiding principles, however, shift and evolve over time - with one exception. The very first principle I added to my list is still there (with a slight change, which I’ll get to in a moment), and it’s the only one that has remained constant all these years.
That guiding principle?
Decide And Take Action.
When Decision-Making Doesn’t Come Easily
Before uncovering my purpose and choosing my guiding principles, I struggled with decision-making. Big time. I would often spend waaaaaay too long waffling in indecision, weighing endless pros and cons, and trying to research every possible outcome or obstacle or reason for doing or not doing something. Then, immediately upon (finally! at last!) making the decision, I would instantly head into second-guessing and buyer’s remorse and the never-ending land of what if.
It was exhausting, frustrating, and impacting my confidence and self-trust.
Can anyone relate?
Decide And Take Action thus became as much of a necessity as it was a purposeful rallying call for myself.
And here’s what I mean by that simple four-word phrase:
When faced with a decision, I do my due diligence and conduct the necessary homework and info-gathering. I lean into my purpose throughout the entire process.
I make my decision.
I then immediately take an action in favor of that decision.
That last part has been key for me, helping to minimize the after-the-fact questioning and second-guessing. By taking an action, I start to build momentum in the direction of my decision, which helps diminish the post-decision questioner that lives in my head and seems to become louder the moment after I sign the document, hit ‘send’ on the email, or hand over my credit card.
I have since grown more and more confident in my decision-making, thus spending less and less time waffling and worrying. Not zero time, mind you, but much less. When faced with significant decisions, such as those regarding parenting or my business, and even in less significant ones, such as whether to say ‘yes’ to a particular invitation or how to spend a free weekend, my purpose statement and my reminder to decide and take action have proven invaluable.
Books That Can Help
Over the years, I’ve continued to look for books and other resources to help with purposeful decision-making, and also to help me support my coaching clients as they make decisions. Three books I’ve discovered fairly recently have really made an impact:
How To Decide and Quit, both by Annie Duke
I discovered Annie Duke’s writing a few years ago and, much like I’ve done with Hanif Abdurraqib’s writing this year, I was so drawn in by the first book that I went on to read everything else she has published.
Duke comes from the unique perspective of both academia (she recently earned her PhD in cognitive psychology) and as a former professional poker player (she was the first woman to win the World Series of Poker Tournament of Champions), both fields giving her considerable knowledge and skills in decision-making. I found her through her 2022 book, Quit: The Power Of Knowing When To Walk Away, which instantly resonated with me and prompted me to lead coaching/discussion groups around it as well. Her storytelling, sharing of research, unique voice, and personal experiences came to me at just the right time and made for an incredibly insightful read.
Shortly thereafter, I followed up with How To Decide: Simple Tools For Making Better Choices. This one reads more like a workbook and is filled with exercises on various aspects of decision-making, from looking at probability and estimating the likelihood of each outcome, to using both positive and negative thinking to support strong decisions, to understanding how reactions can impact our decisions. Although published prior to Quit, I discovered it after and found it a nice supplement to what I had already read. Both offer useful insights on various aspects of decision-making.
How To Walk Into A Room by Emily P. Freeman
I learned about this book one day via Freeman’s Substack, drove to the bookstore that same day to purchase it, devoured it in two days, and subsequently placed it on my Top 10 nonfiction favorites list later that year. Like with Quit, this was another right book/right time situation and has left a lasting impact on me.
Freeman is a spiritual director, host of The Next Right Thing podcast, and author of several books. In How To Walk Into A Room: The Art Of Knowing When To Stay And When To Walk Away, she encourages us to move through decisions thinking of them as rooms in a house: Do we decide to stay in the room we’re in because it’s comfortable, even if we’re not happy or satisfied there? Do we choose to venture into a brand-new room, even if we have no idea what’s in store for us there? What about the hallway space in between? I found this framework surprisingly helpful and really appreciated her uniquely-clarifying distinctions, such as experiencing an ending but not closure (or vice versa), or realizing it’s time for a change but not feeling ready yet (or vice versa).
Other books I’ve appreciated that also address the topic of decision-making in some way include Think Again by Adam Grant, Grit by Angela Duckworth, and The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi.
Decisions, Then And Now
I still consult my purpose statement when making decisions. The aforementioned books have provided additional tools and food for thought in these times, too.
And I still include Decide And Take Action on my list of guiding principles, although in the past few years I have added a couple of words. It now reads:
Decide, Take Action, And Let Go.
It’s been a beneficial addition, and I can write more on that topic another day. If you ever find yourself trying to control an outcome with a white-knuckled grip, however, you probably already get it. :-)
How easily do you make decisions? Do you feel clear on your purpose when doing so? What practices and/or books have helped? If you’d like coaching to write your purpose statement and/or clarify your guiding principles, let’s discuss possibilities! And feel free to share your insights and book suggestions in the comments below, too.
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Related articles you may find beneficial:
Discovering Your Personal Lighthouse
Who Are You + Why Are You Here?
When To Persevere and When To Quit
3 Ways To Bring Purpose To Your Days
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Dr. Christi Hegstad is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and self-proclaimed book nerd, here to help you work with meaning, live with purpose, and reach bold + difference-making goals! Peruse coaching opportunities at ChristiHegstad.com, email questions to ReadingAndPurpose(at)gmail(dot)com, and check out book recommendations at the Reading And Purpose bookshop.org store (your book purchases through the links provided may earn me a small commission, at no extra cost to you).
Thank you for being here!