Reading + Reflection Guide: Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Looking for realistic, authentic, and respectful ways to clarify and honor your boundaries? Consider these questions as you read, then join us for our October book club discussions!
I first read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s Set Boundaries, Find Peace back in 2021, when many of us were still conducting business, and most everything else, primarily from our homes. I found the book so helpful that I asked one of my professional coaching groups if they’d be interested in an impromptu session to discuss it, and the response was an immediate and resounding YES. I think most of us, a year into the pandemic, were experiencing far too many blurred lines between work, home, family, and personal time, as well as evergreen topics like how to stay informed of the news without becoming completely overwhelmed by it.
We were seeking boundaries of all kinds.
Using Glover Tawwab’s book as a launchpad, we left our discussion equipped with all kinds of practical, purposeful tools to help us each clarify and honor our boundaries in the ways we most needed. From actions we could take, to conversations we could have - even including the potential words we’d say, to ways we could change our information intake, we walked away (or, more accurately, signed out of Zoom) feeling more hopeful and prepared than when we started.
And the thing about personal growth and professional development is that it’s never really ‘done.’ It brings to mind a quote attributed to Carrie Fisher:
“There is no point at which you can say, ‘Well, I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap.’”
And while I do encourage taking naps as needed, I agree there is always room for learning, growth, and refreshers. We typically don’t learn how to set boundaries, do it once, then never have to revisit the topic again. And after last month’s insightful book club discussions about time and energy management, I am more convinced than ever that our October pick is coming at just the right time!
Below you’ll find questions to ponder upon reading Set Boundaries, Find Peace. Then come and chat with us next week at the Reading And Purpose Nonfiction Book Club chat or Your Best Self book club at Dog-Eared Books - new members are always welcome!
Month: October (dates, reading assignments, alternative titles, and details here)
Theme: Boundaries
Book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
The word ‘boundaries’ can conjure up all kinds of images and emotions, depending on our experience with them. In general, how would you define or describe boundaries?
Where we can sometimes think of boundaries as barriers, brick walls, or challenges, Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist, encourages a healthy and positive approach instead. She asserts, “Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm, and respected. They are an indication of how you allow people to show up for you and how you show up for others.” Does reframing in this way change how you feel about setting boundaries? What are the benefits of honoring boundaries?
The book shares a number of examples of what healthy boundaries look like, from being clear about your values, to sharing with others appropriately, to becoming comfortable saying and hearing ‘no.’ What do healthy boundaries look like for you, or what do you think you’d experience if you set and honored clear boundaries?
Can you think of an experience, or a specific area in your life, where you have set clear boundaries? What prompted you to do so? What have you noticed in that experience/area? What has helped you honor that boundary?
Glover Tawwab shares a number of concise and poignant reminders throughout the book. One that has truly shifted the way I think about boundaries is this: “Don’t betray yourself to please others.” She follows this with specific signs that indicate boundaries are needed. What do you notice in your own experience that lets you know some new boundaries may be in order? What lines or points from the book really stand out for you?
What tends to hold you back when it comes to setting and/or honoring boundaries?
The author describes different levels of boundaries, from porous to rigid to healthy. Do you have experience with boundaries at one or more of these levels? What differences did you find, either in ease of sticking to them or how you generally felt, in the various levels?
Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to honoring our boundaries, and one of the biggest fears is how others will respond. What can help us navigate that fear?
Another point I found particularly helpful is that thinking boundaries are common sense can actually impede our effectiveness in honoring them. “Common sense is based on our own life experiences, and it isn’t the same for everyone,” writes Glover Tawwab. “That’s why it’s essential to communicate and not assume that people are aware of our expectations.” Rather than being common sense, boundaries are taught. What do you think of this notion? How might this help, or hinder, your effectiveness with boundaries?
How can we recognize and respect someone else’s boundaries, even if they don’t clearly tell us what they are? How might paying attention to/honoring others’ boundaries help us with our own?
From online influencers to celebrities to people in our everyday lives, we can see examples of firm and not-so-firm boundaries all over the place. When you think of examples of people with clear boundaries, what have you learned from them? Similarly, what have you learned from people without clear boundaries?
What are your top takeaways from this book and/or our discussion? What will you do, or do differently, based on the reading/discussion?
I read Glover Tawwab’s 2024 book, Consider This, shortly after its release last fall and took many notes that I look forward to sharing with you at our book club chats as well. See you soon!
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Dr. Christi Hegstad is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and self-proclaimed book nerd, here to help you work with meaning, live with purpose, and reach bold + difference-making goals! Peruse coaching opportunities at ChristiHegstad.com, email questions to ReadingAndPurpose(at)gmail(dot)com, and check out book recommendations at the Reading And Purpose bookshop.org store (your book purchases through the links provided may earn me a small commission, at no extra cost to you).
Thank you for being here!